Kim Jiyoung Born 1982: A Man’s Perspective
Originally published on FightingStripes.com on Dec. 20, 2020. Written by Michael Welch.
SPOILER ALERT: THIS ESSAY WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK/MOVIE KIM JIYOUNG, BORN 1982. IF YOU PREFER TO READ THE BOOK OR WATCH THE MOVIE BEFORE READING, PLEASE DO SO. TO BUY THE NOVEL IN ENGLISH, CLICK HERE. TO WATCH THE MOVIE, IT’S ON NETFLIX KOREA (VPN REQUIRED).
Last week, I shared an essay that was inspired by watching the movie Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 and reading Cho Nam-joo's searing novel. If you've missed that one, feel free to have a read here.
When I wrote that essay, I was filled with nerves about how it would read to others, men and women alike. The feedback I got from the Fighting Stripes crew was that it needed a part 2. Part 1 was meant to share the horrifying and sobering stories of just how severely the Korean cultural system of patriarchy and misogyny had harmed women. Part 2 is about presenting some alternative that can lead to healing and growth for men and women alike.
Cho Nam-joo's novel Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 sparked a huge controversy about feminism in Korea. Men were up in arms about the direct accusations she had made in the novel (which reads somewhat like a nonfiction book with its footnotes). The singer Irene, of Red Velvet, was embroiled in a backlash from male fans after sharing that she read the book. The singer Son Naeun, of APink, was also subjected to criticism for posting an Instagram photo where her phone case featured the words "Girls can do anything.”
This kind of backlash is both ridiculous and understandable. It's ridiculous because it is crazy to see female celebrities criticized and forced to apologize for reading books or having phone cases about feminism.
However, as the linked article explains, it is also entirely understandable why Korean men get this upset about feminism. Simply put, it is hard for young people in Korea regardless of gender. Young men in Korea struggle to find jobs (exacerbated by the pandemic I'm sure) and they may feel burdened and aggrieved that while they served a nearly 2 year military duty, women don't have to do so. They feel that women in the workplace have a head start on them for not having to go to the military at a young age. In the end though, criticizing a female celebrity like Irene misses the point. Most likely, if Korean men want to be mad about their current situation, they need to direct that anger toward the government and society that has created it. Korean men should avoid attacking Korean women for believing in feminism, as these women are just as much, if not more, victims of the same system that disadvantages them.
Now that we've addressed the controversy and concerns that surrounded Cho Nam-joo's book, it's time to delve into it. If you do not want spoilers, PLEASE STOP READING RIGHT HERE.
The book and movie center on the character Kim Jiyoung, played in the movie by veteran actress Jung Yumi. She is an ordinary woman who has just become a mother and begins to experience symptoms of postpartum depression. A very abnormal symptom of hers is a trancelike state where she becomes other women in her life, talking exactly like them to the people in her life. However, she has no recollection of this happening. It is her husband Jung Daehyeon who has to hear many of these trances and is alarmed by this behavior from his wife.
Daehyeon, played by Gong Yoo in the movie, seeks help from a psychiatrist as he knows Jiyoung needs help. He even tries to lightly nudge Jiyoung towards the therapy, mentioning that he knows multiple coworkers who experience depression and go for therapy. It is this polite nudging that can be needed, as Korea is very much a country where there is a huge stigma against receiving mental health treatment. Just one Google search of the suicide rate in Korea will tell you there are mental health needs not being met in Korean society.
Throughout the movie (the novel focuses more squarely on Jiyoung's character), Daehyeon does so many little things that reminded me of just how supportive he was to his wife. And just how much he cared about her and desired to protect her. When they are at Chuseok festivities, a traditional Korean holiday heavy on responsibilities for women, it is Daehyeon who prepares a path for them to leave early and offers to help his wife with dishes. When Jiyoung suffers a trance experience, imitating her mother, Daehyeon quickly leaves with his wife and daughter in tow. He calls his sister from a rest stop as Jiyoung sleeps off the incident, telling her Jiyoung is unwell and explicitly instructs his sister to forbid his mother from calling Jiyoung.
Later on in the movie, we see just how much he is struggling with Jiyoung's depression. He mentions it to his coworkers as they take a work break. He says a "friend's wife" is experiencing depression. When a male coworker belittles this talk and seems to imply that she's just "crazy", he splashes him with coffee and walks off in a huff. This scene also references men looking at the spycam porn.
In this movie, Daehyeon reveals himself to be a fiercely devoted husband who wants to support his wife and see her be happy. When she brings up the idea of taking on a quick part-time job at a cafe, his question is simple: is this a job you want to do? He's not saying he doesn't want her to do it; instead, he's asking a bigger question. He wants Jiyoung to put her focus on doing something that will make her happy. When she is offered a marketing position with her old boss, a "dream job" for her, it is Daehyeon that proposes that he could take paternity leave to help with their daughter, as they have been unable to secure a babysitter. Daehyeon is willing to make the space for Jiyoung to succeed. Even in his own office, he doesn't make a scene when his female coworker is forced to bring her daughter into the office and is subsequently behind on her work (of course Daehyeon's boss is livid). It's small but this movie is about those "little things" that men will need to try doing in order to better support women. It's time.
It's time for Korean men to look at the women in their life and ask what they can do to help. How can we make this world more fair? How can we stop the terrible misogyny in this world? How can we stand together with women against sexual assault and harassment? How can we educate other men that feminism is not a radical and threatening manifesto?
I've talked to one of my best friends in Korea about this movie. She told me that many of her girlfriends in relationships were forbidden by boyfriends and husbands from watching this movie. That's silly. Instead, I would advise all men in relationships to watch this movie with your partner. If you're in a relationship with a woman, I am sure she will have something to say when watching this movie. Listen to her. Ask questions. Try to think of what you can do in your own life to stand against situations that occurred in the movie and your own life.
The movie ends incredibly hopefully for Jiyoung and Daehyeon. Jiyoung goes to receive the mental health treatment she needs and it is Daehyeon who happily picks up his daughter Ahyoung from daycare. We cut immediately to Jiyoung, who has become a published writer who is beginning to write the novel that gives the movie its name. It's an imagining of the life that Daehyeon and Jiyoung can build together as Daehyeon has made the space for his wife to succeed. It seems simple, but sometimes making the space for others to succeed is more rewarding than succeeding yourself.
I'll end here. I'll leave this space for women and men alike to respond and share stories. I hope you're ready to listen to more stories.